So last year ssssssucked as far as years go. Too much shit and I'll bore myself and, perhaps, you if I go into it. This seems like the proper time for a midlife crisis and a good time to share my journey out of it.
I am creative, curious, have a thought or two in my head that lead me to believe that I am kind of smart though my punctuation might indicate otherwise.....I am a problem solver, think logically, have WAY too much blind faith, definitely too judgmental (especially of myself), I like to cook, do "crafts" of pretty much any nature, am a certified interior designer, was a set decorator, like gardening, writing, have a GPS in my head somewhere that lets me find any milieu with the greatest of ease, and MOST importantly I am a mother of two amazing children. I am a "homemaker". Somewhere along the way I stopped being very much fun and life seems to have gotten the better of me. That was...or IS until now-1-11 and my desire to share this journey on 1-11-11. January 11th doesn't hold any significance other then that there are a bunch of people who celebrate their birthday today, none of who I know, 1-11-11 is a kinda cool numeric date which I actually JUST figured out (maybe I'm NOT so smart) and a friend of mine is having a cocktail party tonight which I can't go too because I have two small kids who have school tomorrow and well, "we" just don't do that. snore. Somewhere along the way this last decade, I am not fun anymore. And this, my pretend friends who I pretend are many and are reading this, is gonna change. This year I am finding myself again.
What does this mean? Well- it means figuring out how to be happier so that I REALLY enjoy these years with my little ones. It means having fun with my husband like we used to. It means putting my creativity to use in a positive way that benefits me and my family and maybe even results in some income. It means redoing my garage- making an art space for me in which to channel my creativity, it means losing 20 to 25 pounds and not feeling ugly anymore. It means getting back to the point where Susanna actually feels like jumping up on a table and lip syncing a Disco tune and feel not at all self conscious about it. It means doing the "Someday I want to" things today. It means other things too but I haven't thought of them yet. They will come to me when I am in the car picking up the kids.
Step One?
TAKE BETTER CARE OF MYSELF
I went and got a full physical.
Oi.
Referral to get a nodule on my thyroid biopsied, cholesterol levels too high- need to go on meds for that, 2 hernias (result of vomiting for ENTIRE pregnancies), gastro doctor referral for left-sided abdominal pain upon prodding at me, referral to ortho for mystery bump in pointer finger. Doctor is happy that I am already getting physical therapy for my arches, afflicted with plantar fasciatis. Eyebrows were raised when I told her I smoked pot when I get migraines. She wants me to talk to my psychopharmacologist about my anti depressants because I have gained so much weight and perhaps I should try keeping the calories to 1400 a day. And on the way out I am handed a jar so I can deliver a stool sample to make sure I don't have parasites. All I can think is "what the fuck" and then when I DO deliver said stool sample the guy behind the desk says "Awesome! Thanks!" Yeah whatever Mr. Scatophile.
I am feeling like a car with too many miles. I would look BAD in the auto trader. ugh...people would expect some great deal and hope that I don't conk out after a week. I am feeling old and it's 2 days before New Years.
For New Years I do something crazy, at least crazy for mid life crisis me. I LEAVE the kids (with our moms) for 3 days and go to Vegas with my husband. I haven't really been out in oh.....10 years? I have NEVER left my kids overnight. It is like my 21st birthday. Green Tea martinis, Dark and Stormys, Cosmos, some gross pink lemony thing that I drink because it's pretty and free. I stay up until 3:30. I chat up Chris Martin from Coldplay. I laugh and dance like there is no tomorrow and think WHO is this person and why do I kinda like her? I start the New Year off feeling kinda fabulous- though hungover.
This is my journey............
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