BIG close encounters on the agenda for this evening. I canNOT believe that I am actually going to go to a reunion of sorts for my high school. I HATED my high school and most of the people there. The teachers were not very charming and many of them just downright mean and disrespectful. Too bad my favorite teacher there ended up having affairs with students. Ugh...a Pedophile. The best teacher there- in my opinion- was a pedophile. Thankfully I remained unmolested. By him anyway.
I think of these people all standing around at this event making small talk, talking about the "old days" as if they are the days of glory- the golden days- the days when things were just better. I'm pretty sure no one really cares about each other and if there are like me, MAY be going to check out the fancy digs and free food. and then I think about the 25 years of girth. A pound for every year and a matching wrinkle just to make one feel smashing or just feel like smashing things. What the hell to wear? What makes me look skinny? What makes me look young? What makes me look like the kind of person that people say. "Wow the years have been good to her." and why oh why do I care? THAT is the most annoying part. Besides the HUGE flawdar (Radar for flaws) that will be going bizerk over my head this evening. Negative connotations make my flawdar really hum with glee. So one has to ask...WHY the hell go anyway?
WWWWWell...in midlife crisis we seek out new adventures and this is about as close to an adventure that I can get to at the moment. The terror! And, in all honesty, maybe I will see some people who look like shit and have boring lives that will make me feel much better about myself and life as a laundress/chauffeur. There are a couple people I am friendly with there. The guy I ran into last week was a lovely person. Imagine my horror if all the people are really nice! Yikes!
It doesn't help that I am at day 17 of my "cycle". Day 15-17 are the days that I should have my batteries removed and be shoved in the back of a closet. I am an ugly ugly person. No apologies. I'm bitchy and have pretty much no patience. Definitely not my shinier days as far as sparkling personality goes. These also seem to be the days when my kids make an extra effort to see how close they can get me to blow a gasket. As I write this Oliver is in the background going "Waagaa Waaga Waaga!' loudly and with a high pitched squeaky girly boy voice- Lulu is listening to Pandora. She has programmed it to only play music from Mary Poppins, the Lion King, Annie, the Little Mermaid, Lilo and Stitch and the Sound of Music. It is FAN TASTIC. This is also a reason that this mama needs to get out of the house. I am willing to subject myself to a reunion just to get a break. Wow...there is a psychological study right there.
So after the "gathering" and I am hopefully feeling well liquified and can spend the rest of the evening trying to figure THIS week out. I am putting things off. I need to convert our garage. I need to get the concrete removed from our backyard but the cost of it makes me what to hurl- and strangely $58 kids shoes don't??? huh.
I need to get our tickets for the summer. 2 months in Europe. We are fancy that way and lucky as fuck that we have a fairy mother in law who gets us there. To do to do. A-wheem-a way A -wheema-a way. friggin Lion King.
Need some inspiration.
and I need to get myself primped for my trip down memory lane.
I know what you mean man.
ReplyDeleteSEMINARY HILL
There was a hill top
where I used to see,
all of my life's possibilities in front of me.
Four decades later,
I returned to see
that none of it, would ever be.
The Delaware River meanders gracefully down to the sea by journeying through the magnificently forested hills of The Catskills Mountains first. A lonesome train track follows it's meanderings, also heading south to the sea. I was 14 years old when I first climbed Seminary Hill and saw this splendid sight.
There was a 30-foot statue of Jesus Christ on a cross high up on Seminary Hill. The image was ghostly against blackening skies, even more so during lightning storms. The Castle-like Seminary was spread out over the level acreage at the bottom of The Hill. Below the Seminary, lies the Town Of Callicoon and The Delaware River.
I went way out of my way on a sunny day, about 6 or 7 years ago, to return to Seminary Hill, but I never anticipated the subsequent flood of emotions that resulted from looking down that river valley... and all of those years... again.
Quite accidentally, not long after my return to Seminary Hill, a former seminarian from my class was put in touch with me, and even though we were once very close friends, I couldn't place him when we met again. He had none of the looks, characteristics, or mannerisms of the person that I once knew. He was kind enough to bring me up to date regarding fellow mates and such, but as he talked, I looked into his unfamiliar eyes and felt like I was back up on Seminary Hill, again... searching for the guy that I once knew.