Why should Jennifer Hudson be the only person to go from fat to fanfriggintastic? Why I ask? Why Why Why? Answer to the overly obvious question is she shouldn't be.
On Saturday, I joined Weight Watchers in hopes of going from fat n' frumpy to hottie mom. If I wasn't so overly self conscious and disgusted with myself I would post a "before" picture and REALLY emphasize my extra layer. But I'm not going to because as you would know- if you have followed this at all- is I hate for people from the past to see pictures of me and think "Holy shit, what the fuck happened to her? She used to have such a great figure."But I WILL post my triumphant afters when the afters are worthy of public view.
What I am finding about this program is that I think about food all the time. This points system makes you track everything you eat. I find myself inputting recipes so I will know JUST how many points I have consumed in a single serving of such things as my favorite lentil soup for example. (5 points)
I get 29 points a day. For breakfast I could have 2 Samoa girl scout cookies for 4 points or I can have an egg white omelet with spinach and mozzarella and an English muffin. But don't those girl scout cookies sound deeeelish? My problem is the "I only get TWO cookies???"
Another fact about me is I have NO self control when it comes to sweets. Candy, cookies, cupcakes, my kids, any delectable treat that includes lemon as an ingredient. I can't eat half a cookie. My first thought to that sentence was "Who the fuck only eats half a cookie?" That is how pathetic I am.
I went to my first "meeting" this past Saturday morning bright and early at 8am. yeah yeah, who the fuck eats the cookie...who the fuck gets up to be some place at 8am on Saturday? I don't go to church so this is going to be my version of Mass. I was all ready to stand up in front of everyone and say "Hello my name is Susanna" look down with shame and whisper, "and I am fat" then the crowd stands up, claps, welcomes me with open arms, pats on the back, words of encouragement. This didn't happen. If you know anything about me you would find it slightly comical that I am in this room with a bunch of folks all wanting to be svelte like Jennifer Hudson. Especially with my flawdar spinning on it's axis as I size up and compare everyone to myself.
At the end of the meetings they "celebrate" people and their weight loss. There is a guy there who has lost 119 pounds and in celebration they gave him a gold washer. Okay- great he lost a hundred pounds but what is he gonna do with a gold washer? Go home and do some plumbing? I have to say though, I was impressed. It takes alot of will to do that and he wasn't even a bad looking guy- though I think I would have saved the Kelly Green Sweatshirt for St. Patricks Day. Bam!...see? had to go there.
So, so far I have been doing pretty good. Alot of salad, veggies, not one cookie and no ice cream. Tomorrow I am getting an Ultra sound of my tummy in the place where it hurts. I am thinking I have bacterial overgrowth, as I have had it before and that knife stabby feeling is sorta the same. The Ultrasound will tell me nothing about that but it will rule out other things that I shutter to imagine what they are. Maybe they will tell me that Jennifer Hudson is living in my tummy and if I just give birth to her I will be cute and sassy again?
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