Occasionally, I go through a period of time where everything feels wrong. no matter what. No matter what I put on I feel fat, my hair looks bad and somehow the day is sculpted and formed based on these negative perceptions. Then you feel like people don't like you and you have this weird feeling you have tricked the people who DO like you into liking you and you always over cook the meat even if its cooked perfectly. Everything just feels wrong.
Then sometimes and, unfortunately, somewhat rarely, things feel right. You have a moment where your child makes you smile and you really feel that smile in your heart. Suddenly, you don't give a shit that your roots are 2" long and that there is twice as much grey- make that 3 times as much grey as you remember there being a week ago. It doesn't matter that the floor needs to be mopped or that I still haven't settled on a contractor for the garage. What matters is that the air smells good, my child is hugging me and I feel happy. I feel good about myself and don't worry about those out there who may not like me because I love the ones I have that do like me. and I am pretty sure I didn't trick them. Fat. Yeah.... that is still a minus but isn't a chain wrapped around my ankle puling me into an abyss or anything. You have a moment of perfection and then that moment stretches into an hour because your other child also hugs you and says something heartbreakingly sweet. There is no screaming- just smiles and happy chatter. That hour turns into longer as you realize that as you sit typing in Starbucks, while Lulu is karate chopping upstairs, that you are smiling ear to ear. For no particular reason.
No comments:
Post a Comment